Technology

How to Create a Cosmic Catastrophe

Posted on1/1/2022

  1. Possess a satellite.

  2. Pack the satellite with a massive supply of frozen tardigrades, bacteria, viruses, and resurrection plant (e.g., Selaginella lepidophylla) snack packs.

  3. As the satellite orbits the Earth, eject a cluster of step (2) every kilometer.

  4. Wait patiently for a billion years, and voila—we will have achieved a cosmic catastrophe.